Angels in Snow Boots.

On Monday,

I got off the bus

with a 37-pound suitcase.

I had flown into Utah that morning.

When I left Utah,

things were fine,

but when I came back,

the world was a snowy, slushy mess.

I had four blocks to go

with a 37-pound suitcase,

and even taking little baby steps,

I was sliding and struggling.

A nice couple in snow boots

saw me.

The husband said,

"Can we walk with you

to your house?

I'll carry your suitcase.

I used to be a bellman."

I let them help me.

We chatted.

The wife had been to Delaware

a few times.

Days later,

I keep thinking about it.

I can't stop.

I can't imagine

how long it would have taken me

to walk that four blocks

with that suitcase.

I would have been in tears

by the time I got home.

For some reason,

that little thing

made me feel grateful

in a way I never have before.

Whenever I think about it,

I have to stop,

because I don't know

how to express my gratitude.

I don't know who they are,

but they keep crossing my mind.

I think little prayers for them

whenever they do.

.

.

.

Unfortunately,

my being a hot mess

has only continued

since Monday.

Yesterday I took 3 wrong turns

in a single drive.

I got locked out of my house

and Brooke let me sleep at her house

and then Paloma came and saved me.

I'm so grateful,

I can't think about it.

.

.

.

I've been thinking about this year a lot.

It was so good.

It was so good

that I don't even remember

the bad parts.

The bad parts

are the good parts.

Last New Year's Eve was funny.

I remember what I wore,

of course,

who I was with,

what we did,

and how I felt about it.

It's harder to remember

who I was.

I hadn't learned

so many of the things

that I now hold dear.

I didn't love

so many of the people

and things

that I love now.

I hadn't seen

so many beautiful places.

There were so many songs

that weren't yet dear to me.

So many sunny mornings

I hadn't yet woken up to.

So many pains

I had never yet felt.

When I think about this year,

I feel grateful

like I did

for those angels in snow boots.

One of 2014's sunny mornings,

long before the world became

a slushy mess.

Top 10 Never-Before-Seen iPhone Photos of 2014.

I thought it would be fun

do so something blogger-y

and count down

the top 10 iPhone pictures

of 2014.

That's right, folks.

These puppies

have never been seen

on Facebook or Instagram.

You're in for a treat.

Unfortunately,

I couldn't quite narrow it down

to just 10.

First, 16 honorable mentions.

(whoops.)

  

Tan lines are a big deal for me.

Even when it's impossible

to find a good angle

from which to photograph them.

Discoveries close to home.

Reunion-with-Jess selfie.

She started dating her husband

later that very day.

Candid.

2048 was an important part

of this year.

 

The day you walk in

to see 15 brand new iPads

is the best day of work.

Oh the things you find

in libraries.

One day I saw them

painting on the lines

to a newly paved parking lot.

I was intrigued.

 

Alyssa eating candy

under her desk.

Who know why?

Fourth of July selfie.

Doing my first assignment

for my Policy Theory class

at my desk

by this open window

was heaven.

Too bad that desk

soon became

too messy for me to sit at.

Pre-smoothie beauty.

RIP, blender.

My first time in the BYU library

in a year and a half

and look who I found?

American Gothic

out of sidewalk chalk.

Be still my heart.

 

I dressed up as Alyssa for Halloween.

The best part was

that nobody could tell.

I voted for the first time ever.

Trying to get a good selfie afterward

took longer than voting did.

NOW FOR THE COUNTDOWN.

10.

Pumpkin chocolate chip waffles

for staff appreciation week.

Arguably a better day at work

than the iPad day.

9.

Beautiful raspberries

at a farmers' market

in Los Angeles.

8.

And I'm so glad.

7.

Snaps from Andrew

of him and David

were insta-screen shotted.

#ihavehandsomefriends

6.

Nothing like resting

at a clear beautiful spring

at the top of a meadow.

5.

Fourth of July sky.

4.

The worst picture of me

ever taken.

Post half-marathon,

soaking wet,

in the bathroom,

hating life.

3. 

I was with Genevieve and her dad

in his pick-up truck.

Being inside the truck

while this happened

was amazing.

2.

Strawberries and cream.

What Pleasant Grove

and summers

and dreams are made of.

1.

John Musik, Mr. UVSC, 1992-1993.

This picture has brought us

so much joy.

The second happiest day.

If the summer solstice

is the happiest day of the year

because it has the most sun,

then I think

the day after the winter solstice

is the second happiest day of the year,

because it's the first time

in six long months

that a day has more sun

than the day before it did.

Sages, leave your contemplations.

A week ago,

I went to a thing

to hear my friend read

a piece of fiction he'd written.

And then other people

read things they'd written.

There was beautiful and strange

birth imagery,

a piece with too many metaphors,

one that tugged

at my anti-capitalist heartstrings.

I sat there listening,

thinking about

my days as a fiction writer.

When I was younger,

I wrote heinous stories

about thirteen-year-olds

falling in love

after knowing each other

for five minutes.

Then in high school,

I used to write bits of stories

with no plots,

with characters named

Corner and Root.

Like this:

If you really looked at them, clothes had a lot of unhappy wrinkles in them. They weren't just ugly; they were unhappy. That is, if you were the type of person who let himself get upset by wrinkles. Frame was that kind of person. She wished she could devote herself to ironing the world's clothes.

One day I realized

that all my characters were unhappy,

so I switched

to nonfiction.

But these people

in this room,

reading things they wrote,

made me think--

as I always do,

for just a minute--

"Maybe I could do that!"

There is always,

for me at least,

the drive

to be a writer.

Even when

writing feels pretentious

because every line break,

and every tired word

you choose,

and every interesting word

you choose instead,

and every strange name

given to an unhappy character

seems contrived

to some degree.

When I left,

I went to the library,

dropping those thoughts

one by one

on the pavement

as I walked.

I thought,

I do get to write.

I have to write a paper

about the Columbia explosion

for my Public Administration theory class.

That's the kind of writing

I get to do now.

.

.

.

The next day,

I spent hours straight

in the library

working on that paper.

It didn't have that magic sheen

that writing fiction does.

It was business as usual.

There was no need

to give characters strange names,

and it might not have even been worthwhile

to choose interesting words.

I put on Christmas music.

Christmas music

brings that magic sheen, after all.

In the middle of

Angels from the Realms of Glory,

some words caught my attention.

Sages, leave your contemplations,

Brighter visions beam afar;

Seek the great Desire of nations;

Ye have seen His natal star!

I can shed tears at the drop of a hat.

I shed tears then.

I pictured one of these sages,

with a long, brambled beard,

hunched over scrolls

in dim lighting,

puzzling over

the great questions of the ages.

St. Jerome in his Study, Caravaggio

And suddenly!

Something pulls at his heart.

When he looks up,

he remembers

the star he saw,

and it fills his whole body.

He gets up

to pack his bag,

to speak with

the others,

to plan the trip,

to take the coins

that have been

hidden under his mattress

for ages

and go to the sellers

to buy something

for the King--

perhaps a gemstone,

or some fine-twined linen,

or myrrh.

He had been looking

for the King to come.

All that dimly-lit puzzling he did

over those piles of scrolls

was worth it.

When that star rose,

he knew it,

even though it was a new star.

He knew it in his heart.

So there was nothing

more natural

than to call for the others,

to plan the trip,

to buy the myrrh.

What does it merit

to be a sage

if you do not leave your contemplations

when you discover the King of kings?

What does it merit

to be a writer

if you only write about

the administrative errors

that led to the Columbia explosion?

What does it merit

to be a writer

if you only write

little strings of words

about little melancholy characters?

All truth is Truth.

But there is one truth

that stands on the highest stair,

and all other truths bow

to worship it.

It lies at the heart

of all Truth,

and it lies in the hearts

of sages and writers,

willing to leave their contemplations

and to leave their pens.

And to take up their contemplations

and take up their pens

again

to consider

and write about

the glory

of the King.

The Crowning with Thorns

The Entombment of Christ 

The Incredulity of Thomas

Riding a Bike.

When I'm at my parents' house,

all I want to do is a ride a bike.

via

I like to ride

on every road

and cul-de-sac

in the neighborhood.

Today,

my fingers froze

around the handle bars

until I had nothing

but two Lego hands.

The wind

whipped way down

into my ears

and made them hurt.

I looked at peeling mailboxes,

gnarled trees,

inflatable Christmas figures

lying in nylon heaps

on front lawns,

and houses

where children I used to know

once lived.

Above me was

the faint blue winter sky,

always sunny

on the cold days.

In my legs

was the good kind of burning.

In my heart

was a ghost of childhood,

the aftertaste of summertime,

and a sigh of contentment.

The People.

Some years are "make new friends" years

and some years are "keep the old" years.

2014 was a "make new friends" year.

On the plane home yesterday,

I couldn't believe

how many people there are

that I love dearly

that I didn't know existed

last Christmas.

So on the plane,

I wrote one sentence

for every person

that I met this year

that I love

in some way.

If you're not sure

whether it's about you,

just assume

that is is.

• Amy, for being good at talking and listening.
• Andrea, for liking me immediately.
• Betsy, for sitting in church next to me when I’m crabby.
• Brittney, for giving Relief Society lessons that make you want to learn.
• Brooke, for not talking to anyone with me at church activities.
• Bryce, for being handsome not just because of his name, but because he gets a kick out of life.
• Bryce, for knowing I won’t judge him when there’s a naked person on tv.
• Caleb, for being the only boy who understands how to send out wedding announcements.
• Camilla, for being more interesting than almost everyone else.
• Carlo, for doing better than anyone could have asked and still wanting to improve.
• Chelsea, for looking through eyes of faith.
• Christopher, for treating me like we were better friends than I thought we were.
• Claire, for bringing more joy into this world than maybe any other person.
• Dan, for hating JFK and loving The Crucible.
• Davi, for always turning up at the right moment.
• Denver, for volunteering to take the group picture, even though we want him to be in it.
• Derek, for wearing the greatest sweaters and putting up with me.
• Elise, for loving bluegrass.
• Ellie, for forgiving.
• Emily, for being Juli Baker.
• Emily, for being more thoughtful than any person should.
• Emma, for being good to the ones she loves.
• Geoff, for explaining things with rich depth.
• Heather, for being the cool aunt.
• Holly, for making everyone feel like what they said is really worthwhile.
• Howie, for moving into an apartment because the guys there didn't have a video game console.
• James, for making you feel worthwhile when he talks to you.
• Jared, for making me feel like I belonged at his birthday party.
• Jared, for visibly taking time to be friendly.
• Joe, for offering to drive and to make tea.
• Jonathan, for making the greatest scripture jokes.
• Jonny, for caring about probably everyone.
• Julio, for calling me “Boys Like Moyes.”
• Junior, for smiling.
• Kaitlin, for always remembering the kind thing to do.
• Katie, for making going home mean something.
• Kerriann, for being the easiest person in the world to welcome into your heart.
• Kristen, for being able to love instantly.
• Kristen, for saying “Rachel Moyes!” like just saying it gives her joy.
• Kylie, for being the best person to take to a dance party.
• Kylie, for starting sentences with “You guys!”
• Lauren, for saying things that make sense.
• Mariah, for cleaning the house with me at the end of the summer.
• Marlena, for going to bed early and not apologizing for it.
• McKenzie, for being vulnerable.
• Mike, for being my friend, no questions asked.
• Paloma, for working harder than I ever have at anything.
• Robin, for saying, “I missed you today,” so I know she means it.
• Sammi, for volunteering for everything.
• Sammy, for leaving spaces and interactions more beautiful than she found them.
• Sarah, for doing good in just a few months’ time.
• Sarah, for treating every experience like she has something to gain from it.
• Scott, for thinking all the same things sound fun as I do.
• Shannon, for making everyone feel like they’re important to her.
• Taila, for having a lot of love and giving it out.
• Tatiana, for treating everyone like they’re interesting.
• Taylor, for always having half a smirk on his face.
• Tim, for being the pleasantest person in the world to run into unexpectedly.
• Thad, for working at The Road Home.
• Wes, for possibly thinking I’m funnier than I do.
• Will, for not being mad when I ran into his scooter.
• Zac, for swearing on the top of Mount Timpanogos.

(To be honest, I don't know some of these people.)

(If you didn't see your name on here,

I promise I still have a head full

of sentences about you.)