Studia Humanitas.

In the desert

I saw a creature, naked, bestial,

who, squatting upon the ground,

Held his heart in his hands,

And ate of it.

I said, "Is it good, friend?"

"It is bitter--bitter," he answered;

"But I like it

Because it is bitter,

And because it is my heart."

Stephen Crane

I think the thing that bothers me most about my life

is that I'm mortal.

Casper David Friedrich

No really.

It's something that I can't accept,

because it feels so limiting.

I feel like I'm made of greater stuff than that.

I should be able to pick up French again,

perfect Greek,

start German,

and dabble in Latin.

I should be able to get another degree in history teaching

and another in humanities

and another in American studies

and then go to law school.

Why don't I know the history of labor unions?

Why can't I be an expert on 

every case that went to the Supreme Court

and why haven't I read 

the hundred most influential books of all time?

When will I know the story of the Irish Republican Brotherhood

and when will I celebrate the national day 

of each country in the world?

I should know how to play the harmonica.

I should see Casablanca.

I should memorize etymologies.

I want to know everything.

Everything about mankind and the human condition.

About what they did and what they thought and what they made.

There is something so godly about being a human being.

I want to know everything,

because down to my living, breathing guts

I am a human.

Which also happens to make me feel so frustratingly limited.

I look forward to the day when I will burst my limitations

and learn everything

and become like God.

Being mortal is like tasting a bit of being godly

but

how

I

yearn

for

more.