Do you see what I see?

Visual discoveries in my new apartment:

1. When I stand at the sink,

and look in the mirror,

I can see through the open door behind me,

out the window,

to the highway that runs by.

And at night,

when it is dark

and I have taken my contacts out,

all I can see are little disembodied blurs of head- and taillights

and the Walk/Don't Walk sign.

They scoot past each other--

blip.

Where are they headed?

2. We have the most comfortable couches.

They're like the squashy armchairs in the Gryffindor common room.

It's the most fun to sit on them upside down.

And when you sit upside down on the couch in front of the window

and look up

you can see the top branches

of the trees growing outside.

3. When I was little,

I liked to "play water."

My mom gave me a pitcher

and a few bowls,

and I'd sit on the deck,

amusing myself by pouring the water

back and forth between the containers.

Today, I was doing dishes.

I was washing a cookie sheet,

which I had filled with a shallow layer of water.

Then I ran my finger through it,

just watching the patterns of the ripples.

I spelled my name

and a secret message.

And the the water washed it away,

so it's still a secret.

4. Last night in my dreams,

I saw President Uchtdorf wearing a tan bomber jacket.

We were in an elevator together,

and he was telling me stories about aviation (what else?).

Just photoshop these pictures together in your mind.

Was blind, but now I see.

The Times They Are a-Changin'

You'd better start swimmin' or you'll sink like a stone.

I thought of this song because

i hate change.

New apartment.

New classes.

New ward.

New job.

All at once.

First time staying in Provo for spring/summer, and that's just weird, too.

AHHH.

BUT THEN

I started researching this song,

and I'm reminded of why I love the Twentieth Century more than anything.

Wikipedia makes it sound like Bob Dylan was pretty much a jerk and only wrote "The Times They Are a-Changin'" because he knew it would sell.

I think I'm okay with that.

He said, "I wanted to write a big song, with short concise verses that piled up on each other in a hypnotic way."

You've got to respect songwriting that can just repeat the same simple tune over and over without boring you.

FOLK MUSIC.

Just do it.

The world today needs more of it.

My favorite cover of this song is by Peter, Paul and Mary.

I love when Mary goes high on the chorus.

And they're also adorable. That's all there is to it.

I like James Taylor & Carly Simon's cover, too. And Simon and Garfunkel's. Their harmony is really nice. Though not quite as hard-hitting.

I decided I need more Simon and Garfunkel in my life. That might be just what I needed.

But why the times always gotta be changing?

Ashley and I decided that there is a fine line between nostalgia that helps you learn from the past and rampant romanticizing.

I tiptoe that border every day.

Your old road is rapidly agin'

Please get out of the new one if you can't lend your hand.

Where, O Death, is now thy sting?

Last night, I got the chance to go to see the Utah Symphony at Abravenal Hall in Salt Lake City.

My cousin Mike sings in the Utah Symphony Chorus.

First of all, I felt very posh going to the symphony.

A view of the sculpture in the lobby, looking out the huge glass windows toward Temple Square.

It reminds me of a bunch of squid or red peppers.

The inside of the concert hall. The chandeliers were beautiful. Looking up at the ceiling made me nostalgic for elementary school field trips to opera houses in Wilmington with painted ceilings.

The piece was Michael Tippett's 1944 oratorio A Child of Our Time.

Tippett was inspired by the 1938 assassination of a German official by a young Jewish teenager, which was a catalyst for the Kristillnacht pogrom.

While inspired by this event, A Child of Our Time draws on Jungian themes and expresses the universality of human suffering.

It was stunning. What I found most inspirational was that Tippett blended African American spirituals into the oratorio, which pointed the mind to the similarities between oppressed peoples.

Just when the dissonant music and hopeless lyrics left you on the brink of despair, the choir would swell in the bittersweet glory of a spiritual.

Steal away, steal away, steal away to Jesus!

Steal away, steal away home, I hain't got long to stay here.

Nobody knows the trouble I see.

Nobody knows but Jesus.

The final piece was "Deep River."

Deep river,

My home is over Jordan.

I want to cross over into campground.

I like that it ended on a spiritual note, while still melancholy.

The performance was in interesting way to lead into Easter.

Especially after church today.

I realized something about the pain I'd been feeling and the pain expressed in the oratorio.

It has been really sad and lonely as the semester has ended and we've had to say goodbye. Especially as everyone else gets to return home to family while I stay in Provo.

But during Sacrament Meeting in my aunts' family ward, I felt the assurance that I would get to live an unending eternity of bliss with my family after this mortal life.

Then the Relief Society lesson was on Elder Kent F. Richards's talk from this month's General Conference, The Atonement Covers All Pain.

I realized that Jesus doesn't always take away the pain we feel. But because of His resurrection and His promises to us, our pain makes sense. The pain I feel makes my sweet moments sweeter. Without Him, there would be nothing but pain and darkness and loneliness, with no relief. But He can make even my pain, and the pain of slaves and Jews and anyone else, feel sweet.

He is Relief.

I know He lives! I know He is our Savior, mine and yours. I know that He is the source of sweetness. I know that He helps us make sense of pain when nothing else can.

Where, O Death, is now thy sting?

The sting of death is swallowed up in Christ! (Mosiah 16:8)

In a Subjunctive Mood

The subjunctive expresses requirement, suggestion, desire, or statements contrary to fact.

1. She felt as if she were in the Orient.

On Monday, we went to Thai Village for FHE.

Katie gave me a taste of her pineapple curry with bamboo.

And I had a vision: a moment of synesthesia.

I felt like I was in a cabana in Asia, and the wind was blowing through its thick white curtains.

And somehow I knew that the taste of the curry was what the curtains would taste like if I could eat them.

It was beautiful.

2. She insisted that she walk without an umbrella.

So BYU is on a hill.

And they just did this great thing. I think it's the best thing they've ever done.

They built a beautiful stream & trail that wraps around the south side of the hill.

Even though you're thirty seconds from campus, you feel like you're somewhere real, somewhere very un-Provo.

I've gone on three walks there in the last five days.

Go there on a sunny day and you're bound to see family/roommate/engagement pictures being taken.

(Part of me thinks that's why BYU built it.)

Last night, Michele, Jihye, and I went on a walk there. In the rain.

I didn't bring an umbrella :)

I liked the feeling of the rain dripping off my nose.

Maybe because I'd been listening to this all day while I studied. It sounds really beautiful when you play it at the same time as a quiet song, such as this.

3. It is imperative that she make it home this summer.

Fireflies. Lightning bugs.

If you've never seen them, you're missing out.

Imagine this:

You're driving home on a hot, sticky summer night, down a winding two-lane road. You look to your right, and all you can see in the tall grass is dot after dot of little orange light.

When you get home, you chase them in the front yard.

Your feet get dirty and mosquitoes bite you.

You catch one on your hand, name it Bronwyn or Lester, and try to hold it for as long as you can until it flies away.

It's the best when they light up in your hands.

I actually shed a tear the other night as I lay down to sleep, thinking that I wouldn't see a single firefly in the year 2011.

But now I might.

Not seeing fireflies is almost as bad as not seeing my family.

4. It is important that she not forget assignments.

'Cause then you don't get A's in New Testament.

That is all I have to say about that.

5. I suggest that she consult a map.

I just finished my fourth semester at BYU.

And I can still never remember how to find the room in the Wilk where they have the religion finals.

How many semesters is it gonna take me to learn that?

Also,

Every time I go to the Bookstore, I get lost at least once.

True story.

I can never orient myself. Or figure out which door I should go out based on where I'm heading.

I'm gonna dress up my babies like this.

Except I'll probably get lost in the Bookstore trying to buy them baby BYU apparel.

6. She believed firmly in cryptids. If only they were real...

Bigfoot. Yeti. Chupacabra.

It was a while ago that I started relating to sea monsters.

That's just me. Do you see it?

Is it wrong to want it to be true that large reptilian creatures actually exist in lakes around the world, even though there is no proof or possibility of their existence?

"Anyway folks, it's a mood." -Jimmy Durante

When I stepped out into the bright sunlight from the darkness of the movie house...

Finals week is kind of like a film festival.

Ash, Kimberli & I celebrated the last day of class with Guys and Dolls.

I had never seen it before, and, surprisingly, I enjoyed it.

Usually I don't like musicals from this era.

I really enjoyed the fact that the gamblers almost never used contractions, e.g.

"I have been running the crap game since I was a juvenile delinquent."

I want to make myself talk like that. It is not an easy thing to do.

Also, I realized what I hate about these musicals:

the musical numbers that do not advance/have nothing to do with the story!

e.g. The choreographed crap game!

Let us not even mention the musical numbers at Adelaide's job.

Also, even though Marlon Brando is super handsome and Sky Masterson was definitely kind of a sweetheart,

I do not think he and Sarah's love could really last!

But the very next day, I saw a reference to Sky Masterson in my real life! Don't you love when that happens? I always wonder what I would have thought if I had not just learned about that very thing.

The next night we watched Seven Brides for Seven Brothers.

It was Michele's first time. She favored Ephraim.

I decided I should just start liking Caleb. 'Cause no one ever likes him, and there just are not enough brothers for every girl to get her own without us having to argue.

I do not know. Maybe if he had shaved his goatee.

But he does do the whole cheesy "To the ends of the earth" line, and you know I hate that romantic stuff. I will work on it.

Best thing about 7 B 4 7 B? NO POINTLESS MUSICAL NUMBERS.

They all have a purpose in moving the story along.

And I just love Johnny Mercer's songwriting.

JUST WATCH IT IF YOU HAVE NEVER SEEN IT.

It is the greatest thing I know of.

(Note to self: Not everyone is going to love it as much as you do. ESPECIALLY not guys.)

Then on Saturday I had a double header.

First? My premiere of 27 Dresses.

Let me tell you something about the way I watch chick flicks.

I go crazy.

And in this movie, I seemed to have a knack for anticipating plot elements 30 seconds before they happened.

"NO! Don't kiss her now!"

"Oh no, her sister's gonna get married too!"

"SHE wanted to wear her mom's wedding dress!"

"She doesn't know it's the same guy?!"

"Stop taking pictures of her! You're going to run her story and she's going to hate you!"

Oh snap. It was hard to watch.

I mean, I like sad movies, but it is hard to watch things that are painfully like real life.

I mean, life is hard enough as it is. Why should I suffer through Jane's problems as well?

And is it too much to ask that the characters do not get drunk and do stupid things, apologize when they are supposed to, and actually have a plausible relationship?

Well, maybe.

At least James Marsden is better in this than as Prince Edward in Enchanted.

And later that night, Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow.

This movie is weird and amazing.

All I've got to say is

Totenkopf.

Great balls of fire, don't bother me now and don't call me Sugar.

How to tell it's the end of the semester:

1. You're tired of trying to dress cute for school, so you completely disregard the weather report (Jaco Pastorius?) and wear whatever ridiculous thing you happen to have on when it's time to leave.

Well, no. It wasn't quite like this.

2. You have come to hate the sight of nearly everyone in all your classes.

If that guy raises his hand one more time...

Actually, even just the sight of this picture makes me feel annoyed.

3. A guy in your ward says "What's up?" to you on the street, and you honestly can't think of the right answer. No, it's not "Thanks," it's not "Good." What is it? So you just smile bigger and keep walking.

"Not much"! That's what you were looking for!

4. You have a strong desire to watch Gone with the Wind. Cause the only way to deal with the craziness in your life is to think about Scarlett's crazy life instead.

And yelling at the tv helps.

Ohhhh, I hate her.

5. You're having crazy stress-induced dreams. Like screaming your head off after receiving a postcard. And driving almost all the way to the temple on a crowded highway, only to realize it's closed. And having some hotshot BYUSA officer try to date you, but then your roommate steals him.

I also had a dream in which I adamantly stated that I would only date or marry a guy who had taken a clogging class. That might just be me though.

This is gonna be our wedding announcement picture.

6. You laugh out loud to yourself on campus... more than usual.

Except you actually just look psycho when you do it, not cute like this little kid.

7. You eat everything in sight... more than usual.

Feel free to bring me one of these. I mean, we still have finals to get through.

8. You sing in the shower... louder than usual.

Mr. Rogers songs.

"Friday" - enough to realize that it's partly her voice that makes it so bad, but it's mostly whoever wrote that horrible melody.

& all the songs from Seven Brides for Seven Brothers.

I need some work. I know pretty much all the words to all the songs, but not what order they go in.

Isn't weird that I don't really like musicals, but yet this is my favorite movie of all time, hands down?

9. You have the desire to diligently practice the piano for several hours every day... 'cause it's not homework.

And if you were that small and had that hat and got to play that piano in that room, all the better.

10. To avoid distraction, you gave up youtube until finals are over. But now you watch Mormon Messages to procrastinate.

But it's okay, because they're SO good. Check it out:

Also, the "I'm a Mormon" videos are wonderful. I love this one:

These videos pretty much always make me cry. And then numbers 1-9 don't seem to matter as much :)

I feel like Christopher Columbus.

Discovery 1: Mini blueberry bagels.

I don't love blueberries and I don't love bagels, but together they work.

The perfect spring breakfast:

-Two toasted mini blueberry bagels with butter

-One container of yogurt, preferably Strawberry Mango

So yum! Totes delish! (satirical)

Discovery 2: I love my last name.

My dream was always to marry someone whose last name was easier to pronounce.

One that wouldn't have to be spelled every time.

But then I realized,

MY LAST NAME IS AWESOME.

It's pretty much exactly the Middle English word for Moses.

And it's uncommon. And it's me!

David Moyes, a Scottish soccer player.

Discovery 3: Jamba Juice

I don't know why, but I had never had Jamba and I was determined to never have it.

I mean, I don't like smoothies that much.

But then I kept having this craving for something cool in my throat.

(Katie Schroeder said it's because I was in Rita's withdrawal; I believe it.)

So Michele and I went to Jamba--in the snow.

It was good.

I can't wait to go back...

This face says "I can't believe I got Jamba Juice!"

Darlin' Don't You Go and Cut Your Hair

Do you think it's gonna make him change?

I'm just a [girl] with a new haircut.

And that's a pretty nice haircut.

Good, better, best.

Best ice cream I have ever ever had:

Except mine was brownie moose tracks. Yum.

Everything about it is swanky. Even the container.

Who knew such good things could be bought at Smith's?

Best wikipedia article I have ever read:

Grey Owl.

He was British but he told everyone he was Native American.

And he had pet beavers.

Best new phrase I have come to appreciate:

Sarcasm--the body's natural defense against stupid.

I never thought that was funny until I realized it's true.

I'm not a big fan of House or anything, but as the semester wears on, I think he has a point.

Best music to make you feel happy:

You've Got to Do It.

Mr. Rogers was a genius.

You're never too old for a good Mr. Rogers song.

Hello, old friend.

Last year, I was famous (or infamous) for my fruit snack consumption. The Creamery pretty much ALWAYS had Kellogg's fruit snacks on sale. Toy Story shaped were obviously the best, but Disney princesses came in a close second.

And I ate them like nobody's business. Pretty sure I consumed an entire ten-package box of them in one day--on more than one occasion. There was also a definite spike in fruit snack consumption around paper due dates.

Fast forward to this year. I no longer shop at the Creamery, Kellogg's fruit snacks are NEVER on sale at Macey's, and hey, why not try to exercise a bit of self control? Yeah, occasionally I buy fruit snacks when another brand is on sale, but I always limit myself to no more than one pack a day. And that's been fine! No intense fruit snacks craving whatsoever. (Cause Western Family is really NEVER as good, you know?)

Until...

Kellogg's brand was on sale at Smith's! I bought two boxes.

I brought one pack to school today to help me make it through my grammar class.

Excited, I fished around in my backpack for the pack, ripped it open, and popped Lotso from Toy Story 3 into my mouth.

BLISS.

The texture, the taste, the consistency.

Buzz, Rex, the little green aliens.

It was the taste of freshman year.

I want some right now, in fact.

It's okay, I'll live through it.

In other news: how do I stay as happy and peaceful as I felt all Conference weekend? That is the question.

Wanted.

Wanted: A boy who actually goes to Priesthood Session.

To be my sweetheart.

. . .

Conference was so good today.

I mean, it's always good.

Around 7, I went to Smith's with Rachel for groceries.

It was beautiful out: warm and cloudy.

I was having a great time walking lazily home with my shopping bags.

Then I passed the chapel that's a block from my apartment.

Through the windows, I could see men in white shirts, listening to the Priesthood Session.

There was a window open, and I could hear the faint sound of the broadcast.

So I stopped to listen.

It was President Monson speaking.

Do you know how good of a sound that is?

I'm sure you do.

I wanted to sneak in, or just lie in the grass and listen, soaking up the Spirit and the night.

I wish every weekend could be this peaceful.